How Shame Affects Us

Excerpt: How Shame Affects Us - More Than Your Past Session 3

Course: More Than Your Past - Shedding Shame & Guilt

Speakers: Ryan Miller, Cathy Loerzel

The Toddler and the Theology of Mess: Understanding Shame from the Ground Up

Witnessing my toddler, Jack, experience shame for the first time during potty training was a poignant reminder of this complex emotion’s impact. His innocent freedom suddenly met the weight of feeling he’d done something wrong. That moment highlighted how shame, even in its earliest forms, can affect our sense of belonging and self-perception.

Just as God’s heart likely ached when Adam and Eve hid themselves in the Garden, our moments of shame can create a barrier to connection. Understanding how shame operates in our daily lives is crucial.

The Tangible Effects of Shame: How It Shapes Our Interactions

Shame influences our relationships by causing us to hide, questioning our belonging and safety within communities. It prompts us to build walls, concealing parts of ourselves we fear won’t be accepted. And it can cut us off from those who are different, fueled by a fear of rejection. Even within the church, this fear can hinder our engagement with those outside our familiar circles.

However, Jesus calls us to move through shame, not to be defined by it, allowing us to step into the world with freedom and love.

Our Primal Responses to Shame: Fight, Flight, or Freeze

When shame arises, our bodies often react with primal survival responses:

Fight: Manifesting as defensiveness and denial.

Freeze: Leading to withdrawal, forgetting, and a reluctance to discuss the issue.

Flight: Involving dissociation or physically removing ourselves from the situation.

Understanding our typical response to shame is key to managing it. These reactions often stem from past experiences and learned coping mechanisms. Recognizing these patterns allows us to approach shame with greater awareness and begin to heal its root causes.

Turning Towards Shame: Understanding and Healing

Ultimately, managing shame requires us to confront it directly, to understand its origins and the stories it’s linked to. By acknowledging our vulnerabilities and exploring the roots of our shame, we can begin the process of healing and move towards greater freedom and connection.

If you like the content, you can continue in a few different ways…

See the outline below and check out other sections from the More Than Your Past course.

Take the full small group course to your church community! The first course your church runs is free! Reach out to us here to learn how.

Connect with a Share The Struggle Coach for one-on-one support. Let’s face it, some of us have tried kicking this thing, and we’ve had no luck. It’s time to start looking toward forms of support that can help us see and feel the beautiful life God has in store for us.

Session 1

Video: You are Welcome Here

Video: Understanding Shame

Topics: Understanding Shame; Communities

Session 2

Video: The Origins of Shame

Video: Shame and Trauma

Topics: Managing Shame, Beliefs, and Expectations

Session 3

Video: How Shame Affects Us

Video: How We Heal

Topics: Isolation; Fight/Flight/Freeze; Vulnerability

Session 4

Video: Relationship with God

Topics: Jesus’ shame; Receiving God’s Love

Session 5

Video: Relationship with Self

Topics: Developing Your Story/Fear and Lies

Session 6

Video: Relationship with Others

Video: Redeeming Shame

Topics: Sharing Your Story; Listening Triad; Helping Others Overcome

Share the Struggle Courses are topical expert led video courses to help you understand life’s greatest struggles and provide you with tools for navigating them. Moreover, STS courses create a space for you to connect with others struggling with similar things, experience belonging, and encounter God’s nearness in a place of wilderness in your life (pain, confusion, healing journey). Want to start a group at your church? Reach out to us here to learn how.

Here at Share The Struggle we believe Jesus is present with us in the middle of our pain and mess, and it is in that place that we often experience and encounter Jesus most deeply.

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We invite you to explore our resources, share your journey, and find the support you need to overcome the struggles you face.

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